Trying Times

Hi everyone! I haven’t written a post in a long time, and with our stay-at-home days, now felt like the right time. I sincerely hope you’re all well and that you’ve found things to fill your time.

I stocked up on chocolate, so I’m happy. Too bad I didn’t stock up on toilet paper and tissues. Has anyone noticed, in the middle of all the talk about hoarding toilet paper, that the facial tissues have disappeared, too? Cleaning products? Forget it.

I know that people are having a difficult time during the Covid19 pandemic. Some people are feeling fear and panic. Wasn’t it Franklin D. Roosevelt who said, in his 1933 Inaugural Address, “There’s nothing to fear but fear itself?” Be cautious, use your common sense, and live your life, even if it’s within the confines of your own home. Read a book, watch television, play games or do whatever holds your interest. I hear a neighbor outside mowing his lawn. I live in the far northwest corner of the United States. It’s still cold here and I wouldn’t be out mowing my lawn, but to each his own.

Because of a few health issues, I’ve made my last trip to the grocery store for a while. I’m not willing to take chances so I’m using my common sense and staying at home, looking for things to keep me busy. My writing keeps me busy. My housecleaning keeps me busy, too, but there’s only so much you can do. So here I am, writing a post after a very long time.

I’m a firm believer in humor keeping us going. My daughter has found several jokes online. Some of them are dark humor, but I have to admit that they can still make me laugh.

One of my all-time favorite movies is 1947’s “The Egg and I,” with Claudette Colbert and Fred MacMurray. It’s entertaining and based on the humorous memoir by Betty MacDonald. As a newlywed, her husband wanted to start a chicken farm in Washington State. When she visited her family in Seattle, she related stories of her adventures, or misadventures, on the farm. Her sisters talked her into writing the book.

Once, when visiting my grandmother, I saw the book sitting on her shelf and she gave it to me. I’m afraid it’s been sitting on my own bookshelf since the late 1980s. On a whim, I picked it up this morning and started to read it. I’m only a few pages into the memoir and I can already see the humor in it. I have a feeling when I sit down this evening, with the book, that I won’t be able to put it down.

I believe she wrote the book in 1945. In those days no one had ever heard of political correctness. She’s honest in her feelings, and she’s funny. Set aside the PC attitude and enjoy a good story.

So instead of watching a drama on TV, or reading a horror story, try picking up something with humor. Look for the humor around you.

One of my dogs, Sugar, has a “thing” on her neck. It looks awful. I called the veterinarian yesterday and they had me send photos of this “thing.” It seems she probably scratched or cut her neck and it’s turned into a bacterial infection. I drove to the vet’s office (and it felt so good to get out of the house) , parked, and called them on my cell phone. They have a little table outside, by the front door. A young woman stepped outside, set Sugar’s medications on the table, and scurried back inside. I then left the car and picked up the package. Nothing funny about this so far, right?

I brought home antibiotics and a spray for her neck. After I sprayed her neck, my other dog, Murphy, was so excited and wanted to sniff what I’d sprayed on her. Knowing him, he probably thought I did it just for him. One sniff and he made a fast U-turn and ran out of the room. Oh, yes, the spray has a pungent odor. Murphy’s reaction was one of those things you had to see to recognize the humor in it. Sugar is probably thinking, “Spray me again so he’ll leave me alone.” He does act a little pushy from time to time. By the way, Murphy is a very large Yellow Lab trying to run on a hardwood floor. His exit was not graceful.

My whole point is, try to stay busy, use your common sense and look for something that will make you laugh. At the very least, you want something that will put a smile on your face.

My thoughts are with you all and I pray for all of us every day. God bless you and I wish you good health!

CLICK HERE for a quick trip to Amazon.com

(Sorry, but my website is a thing of the past. If I ever work up the courage, I may build a new one in the future.)

The latest Sandi Webster mystery is titled, “No One Will Find Me” and you might find a touch of humor as you get into the story. How do you combine a serial killer, suspense and humor? It can be done.

Who Killed Tom Turkey?

Marja McGraw is taking the week off to celebrate Thanksgiving, so I’m stepping in and taking her place. My name is Mikey Cross and I’m ten years old. My mom and dad star in Marja’s Bogey Man Mysteries, and I go wherever they go. Today I’m going to tell you a mystery story. I hope you have fun with it.

~ * ~

My name is Mikey Cross. I’ve been called in to solve a case, along with my two trusty sidekicks, Sherlock and Watson. Oh, I should probably mention that they’re yellow Labrador Retrievers – a boy and a girl (Watson is the girl.)

Tom Turkey has been found dead by the side of the road. Four men are standing around the body, shaking their heads. There’s a board lying near the body. Sherlock and Watson are on the case, sniffing the turkey for clues. At least, that’s what I hope they’re doing.

The suspects in this case, as they stand around the body, are Farmer Joe (who owns a turkey farm), John (the butcher at the grocery store), Fred (who’s been raising a turkey for this year’s dinner), and Sam (who drank too much beer on his birthday and drove right into Farmer Joe’s turkey farm).

Looking to my right, I see another dead turkey, and beyond her is a third feathered body. Is there a serial killer on the loose? Why the heck would someone be murdering defenseless, senseless turkeys? Sherlock runs to the second turkey, and Watson doesn’t want to be left out, so she approaches the third one, to guard the body.

“Sit! And don’t touch the bodies or any evidence,” I yell. Sherlock sits, but he’s shaking like a leaf and staring at the turkey. Watson ignores me and begins sniffing the third bird.

I look at the four men and see they’re all smiling. Have they no hearts? I push my way past them. “Hmm. I see tire tracks on the turkey.” I look into the eyes of Sam, the beer drinker.

He drops his head and stammers. “Don’t look at me, sonny. I drove into the turkey farm. This bird is lying beside the road, not back at the farm.”

I walk over and check out the second turkey. “You poor thing,” I whisper. “Why would someone knock you off and leave your body here?” The turkey’s neck looks like it was broken. Another board lay by the body. “Looks like there’s a monster on the loose.” Sherlock looks at me, but quickly turns back to the dead hen.

Maybe a turkey farmer would break a turkey’s neck. I turn and walk back to the men, zeroing in on Farmer Joe. He has a guilty look on his face, but he shakes his head. “These aren’t my turkeys. You can’t blame this on me.”

“My turkeys are back at the store,” John-the-butcher says, smiling wickedly.

“And my turkey is safe and sound in the refrigerator at home,” says Fred, “just waiting to be stuffed.”

I cringe. What heartless buggers!

I take one more walk, ready to look at the third turkey. When I get close to the poor thing, I hear a feeble gobble gobble. Watson’s tail spins in a circle. Sadly, after one more gobble, the turkey is quiet. Once again, there’s a board lying by the body. The murder weapon? I sigh. How am I going to figure this case out?

Hearing a rumble, I look down the road and see a truck full of crates heading our way. It pulls to a stop right in front of the four men and I run back to see who it is. There’s a sign on the side of the truck that says, “Gimbal’s Turkey Ranch.”

I slap myself on the forehead. “Of course! A crate fell off the truck. One turkey was run over by a passing car. One landed on her head, breaking her neck. The third one? I don’t know what killed him, but at least he got one last gobble out.”

I turn to the men. “Men? You’re free to go. Have a good Thanksgiving.”

I whistle and Sherlock and Watson come running. Well, they don’t exactly run, and they keep turning back to look at the bodies. I hope that isn’t drool I see dripping from Sherlock’s mouth.

THE END

~ * ~

Happy Thanksgiving from Marja McGraw, Jill, Sugar, Murphy and Clementine!

Until next time, have a great Thanksgiving and try not to overeat.

CLICK HERE to visit Marja McGraw’s website

CLICK HERE for a quick trip to Amazon.com

Once again, let me mention One Adventure Too Many – A Sandi Webster Mystery. If you’re looking for something light and mysterious to read, this is it.

Patricia Gligor, Guest Author

This week my guest is Patricia Gligor, my friend and author of the Malone Mysteries, a series I really enjoy. Have you ever thought about walking in someone else's shoes? This post will let you do that. Welcome, Pat!

Imagine  This 

One of my favorite movies is the 1996 “A Time to Kill,” starring Matthew McConaughey and Sandra Bullock. 

In the movie, Jake Brigance, a young white lawyer, defends a black man accused of murdering two white men who brutally sexually assaulted his ten year old daughter. During the trial, it isn’t a question of whether or not Hailey committed the crime; several people saw him do it. What Jake hopes to do is to convince the jury that the case never would’ve made it to trial – if Hailey was white. A daunting task in the racist culture in Canton, Mississippi at that time. 

As the trial progresses, Jake tries everything he can think of to convince the jury to find Hailey not guilty but it isn’t looking like that will happen. Until the summation when Jake prevails upon the jurors to close their eyes and “Imagine this.”

Obviously, I can’t ask you to close your eyes so I’ll simply ask you to “Imagine this.”

You’re a thirty-two year old stay-at-home mom. You live on a quiet, tree-lined street on the first floor of a beautiful, old Victorian in a peaceful, family-oriented neighborhood with your husband and two adorable young children – a boy and a girl. You love the house and, most of all, you love your family. You’re living an idyllic life, right?

Wrong!

Your husband, an alcoholic, is drinking heavily and his behavior toward you is erratic. One minute, he’s the kind, loving man you married and, the next minute, he’s cold and cruel to you. You want to “fix” your relationship but you don’t know how. Your little boy is diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) but your husband refuses to believe it, which causes even more arguments in an already tense household. Your mother-in-law constantly pokes her nose in your business, always siding with her son, blaming you for everything and bringing more discord into your marriage.

To top it off, it’s the week of Halloween and there’s a serial killer murdering women in their homes in your neighborhood. Some of your neighbors have decorated their yards for the holiday but you hardly notice as you find yourself looking over your shoulder wherever you go. You’re nervous going out in broad daylight. But how do you feel about going out at night? Do you double and triple check the locks on your windows and doors before going to bed? Does every little noise startle you?

What you just imagined is a brief glimpse into Ann Malone Kern’s life. If you’d like to read more, you can order “Mixed Messages,” the first book in my holiday-themed Malone mystery series, in eBook format at http://tinyurl.com/8sd2cz4.

Patricia's Blog:  http://pat-writersforum.blogspot.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/patricia.gligor

~~~

CLICK HERE to visit Marja McGraw's website

CLICK HERE for a quick trip to Amazon.com