Monday, January 19, 2015

Choosing Your Battles






Every once in a while, in real life, we find ourselves jumping into the middle of a situation with both feet, and then wondering why we did that. Some people think everything through, but others instantly react instead.

Circumstances certainly make a difference. If it’s a matter of safety, by all means, react. If someone makes a snarky remark, do you really need to jump up and down and pitch a fit? Can you shrug and let it go? Would it further your situation to react? Not always.

I have a friend who got up one morning and dropped bread in the toaster. The toaster chose that moment to go berserk, and the toast was burned to a crisp. She spilled coffee on her white pants and quickly changed. She figured she could stop on the way to work and grab some fast food, but when she tried to start her car, it was broken, too. What a morning. And she had to be at work by five o’clock.

She took her purse back inside her house when the strap broke. Since she’d have to walk to work, she decided she didn’t need the purse. She shoved a couple of bucks in her pocket and picked up a book bag, stowing some paperwork and books inside, along with a sack lunch.

It would be a long trek to work, but she wasn’t about to call in and say she wouldn’t be there. She had responsibilities. However, she knew a shortcut she could take through an alley. By this time she was angry and frustrated enough to spit, but she’s too much of a lady.

So there she is, walking down the alley in the early morning hours, and suddenly two figures step out of the shadows. Two young men start circling her and making snarky remarks. “We want your bag. Give it up or we’ll hurt you, ol’ lady.”

They continued to circle her.

What would you do? What would you have a character in a book do? Her response might surprise you.

She slammed the book bag on the ground and stood with her hands on her hips. “You want my books? Take them! You want my lunch? Take it! You want to do my paperwork? Be my guest! You want to hurt me? Give it your best shot!” She actually started bouncing from foot to foot.

The two young men were so surprised that they walked away, laughing.

And there was no money in the bag,” she yelled after them.

Yes, I realize things could have ended quite differently. In a book, they might have.

As writers, we have an advantage when we’re setting up a scene. We have a choice about whether our character reacts or thinks things through. We can take our time about picking a battle. My friend simply reacted. I happened to see her later that same morning and she was still frustrated and furious; so much so that I took a step back. The look on her face made me feel that she wanted to smack someone, and I decided it wouldn’t be me.

The look on my face made her laugh, and she calmed down.

Sometimes the best reaction is not to react at all. Sometimes we have no control over what we do. Keep these things in mind when you’re creating a scene for your character, because sometimes a surprising reaction works the best.

By the way, this was a true story. I didn’t make it up. Life hands us some unexpected trials sometimes, and we do the best we can, while hoping for the best. I take that back. There are times we simply don’t have time to hope for a good turnout so we simply react.

Oh well…

Until next time, I hope you don’t have to pick a battle this week. If you do, I hope it will be a small one.

CLICK HERE to visit Marja McGraw’s website
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Gentle reminder: A Well-Kept Family Secret – A Sandi Webster Mystery is now available in audio format.

22 comments:

  1. Nice blog for a Monday morning. Made me laugh. And made me glad I don't live in a city.

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    1. Glad I could give you a chuckle, but let me tell you, this is a small town. It happens everywhere. Unfortunately. Thank you so much for stopping in today!

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  2. There are days like that. I think she did well under the circumstances.

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    1. Sometimes we reach a point where we say, Enough is enough. She'd reached that point, and it worked. : ) Thank you so much for stopping in!

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  3. Great post, Marja!
    My father always told me to pick my battles. One time, when I had an issue with my boss and was ready to go to war with him, Dad said, "Think carefully before you act. Remember, you may win the battle but you may also lose the war." Words of wisdom!

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    1. Fathers always seem to have the best advice. Someone close to me always says, Remember, the boss is always the boss, whether you agree with him or not. : ) Thank you so much for stopping in!

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  4. I wonder if she'd had a different morning, she might have reacted like a victim, which might have made them turn on her. In a way this reminds me of bad reviews. It's best to ignore them, instead of answering back.

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    1. I couldn't agree more, Morgan. Sometimes you just have to let it go. In this case, she couldn't. Thank you so much for stopping in!

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  5. We all have days when we surprise ourselves. I was once followed by a man who came right up on my heels. I knew he meant to hurt me, so, without thinking, I spun around and got right into his face. It so surprised him that he turned and ran. I ran after him. Then I stopped when I realized, what would I do if I caught him? I'm not sure what I would do today, so many years later.

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    1. Susan, Your story reminds me very much of what happened to my friend. Sometimes we have to go with our gut instinct. Thankfully, yours worked. Thank you so much for stopping in!

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  6. What an intriguing story--very enjoyable read. When I lived in Puerto Rico, I had a long bus ride from my job to where I lived. There was a "gentleman" who rode the same bus and would sit across from me, staring. He had only one eye and he would glare at me ferociously. After a few days of riding this bus and pretending not to notice him staring at me, I decided to change buses as there were different routes I could take. So one afternoon, when both of us were standing in line for the same bus, I saw him get on and pay and sit down, presumably to wait for me to get on. But I slipped away and got on another bus. Strangely, I never saw him again. Was I really in danger? I'll never know but I'm glad I changed buses anyway.

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    1. It sounds like your common sense paid off. You handled it well. I used to take the bus to downtown Los Angeles every day, and there were some "unusual" people who rode the line. You never know what you'll be up against. Thank you so much for stopping in today!

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  7. Marja, what a fantastic post, and on so many levels! So glad I read this morning. Made my day hearing this story--things to think about, practically and philosophically...

    Madeline

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it, Madeline. Unfortunately, sometimes we don't have time to think about how we should handle things. Thank you so much for stopping in!

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  8. My protagonist, Eve, would do what your friend did. Me? I'd tuck my tail between my legs and run. I like to make my progags braver than I could possibly be. They're a lot more fun that way.

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    1. The nice part is that with our characters we have time to decide what they'd do. Us? Not so much. I agree that it's a lot more fun to make our protags braver. : ) Thank you so much for commenting!

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  9. Most fun post for readers not so much for your friend. Makes one think we often respond without thought with good or bad results.

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  10. Very true, Jake. We often react and hope for the best. Thank you so much for stopping in today!

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  11. Hi Marja,

    Wonderful post...!

    I loved reading it :-)

    Especially enjoyed the two parts:

    One when your friend yells out:
    “And there was no money in the bag"

    Lolz that made me laugh...! :-)

    The second:
    "The look on her face made me feel that she wanted to smack someone, and I decided it wouldn’t be me.
    The look on my face made her laugh, and she calmed down.
    Sometimes the best reaction is not to react at all."

    This made me laugh too, but the wisdom of the lesson also touched me.

    However, your friend was fortunate that it ended well for her. I would never have been so brave...! My mother most probably would have reacted the same though, and maybe also one of my aunts... In any case I am going to send them the link, as I am sure they will appreciate reading this story.

    By the way, I also enjoyed your writing style... and now am even more interested in reading one of your books... which are already noted in the "books-to-read" list of my notebook.

    Regards,
    Ramla Zareen

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    1. Thank you, Ramla! I don't know that I would have been that brave either. No, come to think of it, I once tried to hit a mugger over the head with my purse when he attacked a friend, but when he saw the size of my purse he jumped up and ran. LOL Also a true story.

      I appreciate you sharing the link, too.

      I hope you enjoy my books when you reach that part of your list. : ) The Sandi Webster series has plenty of humor.

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    2. Looking forward to reading them...! :-)

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